I feel like "Thou shalt not kill" was fairly unambiguous. Is it the "thou" that's throwing you off? 'Cause that just means "you", old-style.
— God (@TheTweetOfGod) February 27, 2015
Just got asked to leave Whole Foods because my hair wasn't styled into a pompadour.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 26, 2015
https://twitter.com/Crunk_Jews/status/571035578831142912
50 Shades of Grey" is a way catchier title than "Domestic Abuse: The Movie."
— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) February 13, 2015
https://twitter.com/Book_Krazy/status/570263380381954048
I'm here today to talk about drugs, kids.
"Ooooh."
Are drugs good or bad?
"BAAAAD!"
Then you're doing the wrong drugs.
*passes out joints*— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) April 3, 2014
Eve: I got an Apple.
Adam: …
Eve: …
Adam: …
Eve: What?
Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android.
Eve: The serpent said this was better.— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) July 5, 2014
Time to work on my abs!
*sits up in bed.
— Erren Michaels has two rabbits 🐰🐇 (@ErrenMichaels) April 29, 2014
https://twitter.com/NoahJWatkins/status/569974448754814976
And in honor of llamas everywhere:
llama: [sees another llama] Hey buddy I'm a llama too, we should hang!
"Actually I'm an alpaca"
llama: Well look at this fancy sonofabitch
— huntigula (@huntigula) February 26, 2015
This is how Planet of the Llamas starts.
— Just Bill (@WilliamAder) February 27, 2015
Happy Friday, everyone!
