funny tweets – A Writing Corner

Morning funnies

12 March, 201511 March, 2015 Liberal LibrarianLeave a comment

Because, really, if you can’t laugh by Thursday, you must have a depressing job. Good morning!

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[tweet https://twitter.com/AbrasiveGhost/status/565198189423493120 align=’center’]

[tweet https://twitter.com/ibid78/status/575772910339559425 align=’center’]

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[tweet https://twitter.com/huntigula/status/575771833779163136 align=’center’]

[tweet https://twitter.com/PaperWash/status/575766901982371840 align=’center’]

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[tweet https://twitter.com/justAmovieStar/status/466291117726920704 align=’center’]

[tweet https://twitter.com/Sarcasticsapien/status/575766190456315904 align=’center’]

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Morning funnies

4 March, 20153 March, 2015 Liberal LibrarianLeave a comment

Getting into a girl's pants is easy. Finding a top that matches and a great pair of shoes to complete your look is the real challenge
—
Donnie (@Donnie_Fairburn) December 08, 2014

Why are pants mean to shirts? Because they're sons of britches. *curtsies*
—
Smoochie (@TySmithdrums) March 01, 2015

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[Whispers into her ear at the club] Wanna step outside and play? "Ooh baby, YES" *Draws hopscotch outline*
—
The Rolo ツ (@TheRolo) March 04, 2015

The Alabama Supreme Court has blocked same-sex marriage on the legal grounds that it is 1953.
—
God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 04, 2015

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Morning funnies

3 March, 20152 March, 2015 Liberal Librarian2 Comments

My favorite part in Pretty Woman is her joy when he agrees to pay $3,000 for 6 days, effectively lowering her rate from $100/hr to $21/hr
—
Pete Lynch (@PJTLynch) June 24, 2014

Sometimes I text "wanna bang?" to random numbers just to liven up someone else's day.
—
Crazy Stalker Mom (@texasstalkermom) February 04, 2015

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[at restaurant] "HE'S CHOKING! SOMEONE HELP!" Me: Lay him down. *drops The People's Elbow* *place goes fucking nuts*
—
Rock (@TheMichaelRock) March 03, 2015

How come when a chick has phone sex its like "ooh thats hot" But when I do it, its a "felony" and I get a "lifetime ban from the AT&T store"
—
Steve Suckington (@SteveSuckington) March 03, 2015

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Morning funnies

2 March, 20151 March, 2015 Liberal Librarian3 Comments

It’s Monday. You may as well laugh.

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[interviewing to be fireman]
Here is my resume.

"Sir, this is your mixtape."

WHOA THOSE JAMS ARE ON FIRE
*sprays extinguisher everywhere*

— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) January 2, 2015

Doctor: "Just lie back and relax, I'll start the lasik eye procedure in a moment."

*Turns on laser*

*Patient's face is attacked by cats*

— Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) February 5, 2015

When life gives you lemons, you should peel one in front of the other lemons. You know… to send a message.

— SJ (@SuperJuanderer) September 8, 2014

Pizza Friday at the office is always a great bonding experie- NO HELEN YOU MADE US GET A VEGGIE PIZZA PUT THAT FUCKING PEPPERONI SLICE DOWN

— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) February 28, 2015

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Morning funnies – Tweets and more tweets

27 February, 201526 February, 2015 Liberal LibrarianLeave a comment

I feel like "Thou shalt not kill" was fairly unambiguous. Is it the "thou" that's throwing you off? 'Cause that just means "you", old-style.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) February 27, 2015

Just got asked to leave Whole Foods because my hair wasn't styled into a pompadour.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 26, 2015

https://twitter.com/Crunk_Jews/status/571035578831142912

50 Shades of Grey" is a way catchier title than "Domestic Abuse: The Movie."

— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) February 13, 2015

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